I was a preacher's kid, the president of the National Honor Society, and voted "most likely to succeed" by my classmates. I doubt anyone dreamed that I would start snorting cocaine.
Initially I thought cocaine was "helping" me write my dissertation. Thanks to my fix, I was no longer in need of mundane necessities such as sleep, food, liquids or even social contact. I blew out my sinuses so badly that I was awakened by intense pain, sobbing in agony. My solution was to numb the pain by snorting more of the stuff.
Once I finished my advanced credentials and landed my dream teaching job, I had the financial means to use cocaine more frequently. My life began to deteriorate rapidly. My nose bled often and the pain was near constant. Eventually I got turned on to intravenous drug use.
I used IV drugs for exactly six months. It only took four for my arms to swell into footballs and then my skin to fall off in black clumps the size of citrus fruits. I was caught shooting up in the bathroom of the school where I taught, and I was terminated. I was devastated and my body continued to deteriorate. I was 34 and weighed a mere 84 pounds. Two friends intervened and accompanied me back to my home state.
My parents met me at the airport and immediately whisked me away to Good Samaritan Hospital. A team of very determined doctors and a variety of specialists worked hard to repair my drug-damaged body. I needed multiple skin grafts to patch up my arms. They worked on me for seven weeks.
At one point a nurse told me "You're dead honey, you just don't know it yet."
Needless to say, saving me was not going to be easy. It required Divine intervention. I uttered an 11th hour prayer to God. I honestly didn't care whether I lived or died. I begged God to show me a sign and give me a reason to live. I had met an wonderfully handsome man while in recovery, and shortly after asking God to give me a reason to live, I learned that I was pregnant with this man's child. I knew that although I was perfectly willing to hurt myself and ravage my own body through drug use, I would not harm the life of the innocent child growing inside me.
With the help of friends, I stayed clean throughout my pregnancy, and welcomed a beautiful baby girl into my life. She is a gift of God, and in many ways has been an extension of His grace to me. In fact, Grace is her middle name.
I have since written a book about how God enabled me to overcome my addiction. -The Other Woman at the Well: A Truthful Accounting of Addiction Overcome- is my story. I am now celebrating my second chance at life, and sharing my story with anyone who will listen. I frequently speak to groups of parents and teens about drug addiction.
God has worked a miracle in my life. Because of his saving grace, I have overcome cocaine addiction.
2 comments:
A wonderful and inspiring story. I hope you stay clean for the rest of your days.
I had no idea that the popular kids in school were also hurting and in danger of being a danger to themselves. I thought it was only the loners and stoners we should all be worrying about and avoiding. This book showed me how wrong my thinking was. It is not in avoiding others that we help them.... it is in connecting with them and asking them to tell us the truth about their fears and insecurities. I applaud Miss Hillard's honesty and willingness to put the tiara away and worry more about those in society who are lost and hurting than those in the Junior League who probably covet her membership.
Post a Comment